Reckoner.

Not really sure where to begin. I know I need to start somewhere though. Radiohead's "Reckoner" is such a great song. This whole album (In Rainbows) is incredible actually. I've been thinking about updating this for so long, for some reason I've been scared to though. I realize when I write, I put things into perspective and sometimes that's hard to deal with.

At brunch today with 2 of my dearest friends, a wave of sadness overcame me. I'm still not sure exactly why. One minute I was there in conversation and momentarily I drifted somewhere, somewhere I haven't been in a while. I just have so many goals, so many things I want to be doing and I don't know how to execute them all.

Something feels empty in me. There's a sort of loneliness I feel. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. I think it has more to do with males. Here I am living in NYC with some of the most interesting, attractive males I've seen in so long. They are nothing like the guys here in Virginia Beach. I was feeling a bit boy crazy this past month of me living in Brooklyn. I've been partying too much. I'm not sure subconsciously what is going on with me. Maybe I was thinking I'd find a guy I could really connect with hanging out at all of these cokehead bars. I'm just happy I'm realizing now that that isn't where I want to spend my time.

Maybe I feel a bit heartbroken from a guy that I fell for again. In the past it didn't work and I went for it again. Stupid of me. You live and learn though. I feel a bit jealous; not of his new girl but because I think he has what I wanted-- to be with someone again. So childish of me.

Ironically, I just had a moment that made the snake-bite I previously wrote about okay. Literally, I was listening to a pastor talk about being bitten by a snake and how to feel okay letting it sit with you. ahhhh, life and its coincidences. They're amazing.

I need to get started on all of my goals. I have so many things I want to do. I still have so much to learn. I need to stay strong, focused, and true to myself.

Everyday is beautiful and I'm thankful.