We are FAMILY...

Sooooo, it's only natural that I feel the need to write after a brand spanking new experience like yesterday.

I just got a strong urge to close this and not continue writing but I'm going to anyway...

Basically, I know I want to have my own family. How crazy is it that I've been battling myself for wanting one?! I've been making myself think I'm insane for wanting a family; which is even more ridiculous. I had a talk with my friend, Meg, a couple of months ago. We were out at some bar and I was telling her how I wanted to get married and have/raise kids and I was encouraging her to think I was crazy for wanting that. Obviously, she didn't-- she thinks I'm crazy for other reasons. ;)

We all come from dysfunctional families in one way or another. For a looooooooooooooong time I told myself that I never wanted kids or to even get married. I just wanted to travel the world and be the crazy aunt that my nieces and nephews always wanted to come stay with. I still want the latter part but with my own family too.

Part of me, I think, was hoping that with a Nanny job I would get my fill of being around kids and not want my own. Of course yesterday was my first day with this particular family so my feelings could easily change. It was not all rainbows, laughing, and butterflies either. Much of it was the complete opposite actually. A few sayings that stood out from the day: "What the HELL?" "Ow, my penis!" "Just sit tight. I'm trying to maneuver around moody people, like I always do." A lot of ignorning, strange looks, dry humor, and some playing in between that mix also. I love that stuff though; as strange as it sounds, that stuff makes me happy because it's REAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. I hate when people put on shows (and of course they tried some) but the truth was peering through. I would like to comment on the parent's relationship with each other but I think I should spend more time with them before I start with that. I love being around couples because I'm interested in how they interact with each other.

So, I'm in the process of telling myself that it is okay that I want a monogamous relationship and kids at some point in time. It's weird because I feel like I want it soon. I want to be ready though. I have the desire for sure but I don't think I'm ready yet. The reason I know I'm not is because if I could magically have my life the way I wanted it tomorrow, kids wouldn't be in the picture yet. My life partner would but not the kids, not yet. I have to make sure I want it all for the right reasons. Financial stability is somewhat important to me. It sure as hell is not everything though. If I was with someone and we made each other laugh and were truly in love with each other, I would be totally fine with living in a trailer somewhere. Yesterday was a great example of how money doesn't buy happiness. The mom is miserable. Oops, I already commented. Anyway, I hate when people have kids because of a lack of love they feel in other areas of their life. So why do I want kids? To have a positive contribution on society? I don't know that they will end up being that. Why do people decide they want families? I'm really curious. If you have a family and you are reading this I would like to know why you decided to do that.

I don't even have a boyfriend, I think I'm getting ahead of myself here. :) haha, I probably won't for a long time after reading this too. haha. That's okay though, I'm fine with weeding out some. I'm trying to remember this line from a movie that usually is crystal clear in my memory. In its essence, it explains that families happen based on timing not necessarily love. I want it all though. Love, timing, yea. Is that too much to want?! I don't think so.


Enough from me.